I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
