Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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