I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
