I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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