So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
