if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
