man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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