mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
