I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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