never play flip cup with pint glasses
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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