I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Randomize
