Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Alive.
So much puke
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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