BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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