yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
