So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
