i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
