can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
