Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
