Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
