the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
