She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
