I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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