So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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