U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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