I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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