Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
