she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
