I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
