FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
