Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
