these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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