you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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