my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
