I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
