last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
