Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
