She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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