It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
