Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize