Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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