Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
