I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
