I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
