I smell stomach acid.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
