FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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