You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize