guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is Oprah even human
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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