your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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