Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize