he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
