i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
