What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
