Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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