It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
