nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
