That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
