Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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