Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
