Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
