I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize