How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
