DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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