About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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