It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
