You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
