she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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