she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
