i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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