also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
