here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
