Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
