Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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