"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Do vagina's smell?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
