I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
