Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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