No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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