We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
