I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
