but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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