He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
