Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
