everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
