What did we do last night that was yellow?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
