when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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