dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
