She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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