What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize