Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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