So drunk its hurt
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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