I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She told me I should be a condom model.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
