I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
