I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
