And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
