I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
