I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
