Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize