if you like me you must not know who I am
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
