why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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