there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
