Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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