oh god the rape fog is back!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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