Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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