i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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