plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
