She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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