Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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