i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize