just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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