Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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