I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
