There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
