I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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