If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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