the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
